Hank J. Wimbleton VS Spades Slick
Hank J Wimbleton vs Spades Slick is a What-If? episode of Death Battle. It features Hank J Wimbleton from the Madness Combat Series vs Spades Slick from the webcomic Homestuck. Description Nevada's skilled fighter, Hank J Wimbleton goes up against the deadly Spades Slick. Interlude Wiz: Its time for Death Battle! Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: It is our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win a Death Battle. Hank J Wimbleton Madness Combat: Consternation Theme Wiz: Somewhere in Nevada, where there's nothing but violence, slaughter and no sunlight. Boomstick: Not to mention other crazy ass shit going on, is Hank J Wimbleton. He just kills whatever in his way and sometimes in quite entertaining ways, too. His origins are unknown but who needs to know that in a world of slaughter? Wiz: Deep behind those bandages and gear, Hank looks just like your average grunt in the Madness Combat world, no face, just a cross. Boomstick: Hank can jump at least twice his his height into the air, throw people above door frames with one hand, flip a vending machine on its side casually, and can take hits that would make a normal person beg for mercy. Examples bein': gunshot wounds to the clavicle and a sword slash along his back. Tricky even impaled him with the non-business end of a stopsign, and Hank just took it out of his body after a few seconds of beating the crap out of the clown for doing that. Wiz: Hank can take blunt force damage much better than a normal human. He has taken repeated punches from Tricky, who had the power to knock Hank all the way up a major cliff side with one swing of a stop sign. Hank got up from that no problem, by the way. On the other hand, he has no innate resistance to other forms of damage, such as bullets, swords, or anything sharp, really. There was a moment in Consternation where he stirred even though half his head and some of his chest was missing, but it's unclear as to whether that was his own action or Tricky's Improbability Drive working, as static was happening at the time and Tricky, um, did something spoiler-ific shortly thereafter. It doesn't make sense with how he ended up in Redeemer and Avenger, so we'll leave that out. Boomstick: Hank hasn't done too well against Tricky or Jebus, mostly. He killed them early in the series, but after that, they've been pretty consistently whooping him. But you don't underestimate this guy; he's killed over 500 people at the time we're taking him from, including a giant agent that took lots of chainsawing to the face before it died. He fended off Tricky in his most dangerous form, while hanging from a ceiling with one hand and using a gun—even reloading—with the other. Holy Jebus! Wiz: There are many characters who kill a lot of people, but when it all comes to comparisons, Hank has killed probably more then most of these people. Spades Slick The Ballad of Jack Noir Wiz: In the Humans session of Sburb of Homestuck, we've learned of a carapacian known as Jack Noir (who appears in all sessions). A agent of Derse, one of the two kingdoms in the Incipisphere that waged an unending war against the Light Kingdom, Prospit, striving for the destruction of Skaia, Jack Noir eventually killed the Black Queen and took her ring, ultimately getting prototyped and becoming powerful as FUCK. Boomstick: But whatever happened to the Trolls "sgrub" session of Jack Noir? Well, he sided with the trolls and so did his fellow agents of Derse and became the mobster, Spades Slick. Wiz: Spades Slick is the troll's session of Jack Noir. He is the notorious leader of the nefarious Midnight Crew, while he doesn't have much compared to the prototyped Jack Noir, it doesn't mean he isn't going down easily. Boomstick: Spades can "flip his sprite" and reverse damage to the sides of his body. So if you tore his right arm off, he could "flip his sprite" so the torn right arm becomes the torn left arm, pretty clever. Which is how he managed to get into the vault of the mansion he and his crew were attacking in the first place! Wiz: Not to mention the owner of the mansion is a near-invincible time demon named Lord English. Its gotta take a lot of guts to do that! Especially considering that the demon's lackeys all have time altering abilities, with one even causing the universe to explode if she dies! Boomstick: To add, Spades has incredible skill with bladed weapons, once beheading three opponents with a single swing of his RAPIER WIT. Wiz: Finally, his other weapon, the IRON HORSE HITCHER. Is capable of deflecting bullets, a very useful type weapon to carry around. Boomstick: Now lets see who's going to win this battle! DEATH BATTLE! *Hank had just cleared off and killed a large group of agents, he is about to proceed when he is suddenly shot in the hand. Annoyed, Hank turns around to see Spades Slick, pointing a revolver at him* Spades Slick: Hate to shoot and...Wait no....not yet.... Hate to...no...wait...Hate to shoot and DAMNIT. Hate to... Hate to... HATE TO- God damnit! "SSk: Throw hat down in disgust" *Spade's hat is instantly shot off by Hank* "You cant throw your hat down in disgust because just got shot off!" "SS: Equip your RAPIER WIT" "You equip your IRON HORSE HITCHER!" *Hank silently grabs hold of his P90* FIGHT! *Hank immediately begins fire, firing numerous shots. Unfortunately for him, Spades deflects all the bullets with the IRON HORSE HITCHER. With this, Hank throws his P90 down and charges at Spades with his dragon sword* "SS: Stab the asshole" *Spades pulls out a knife and slashes at Hank who quickly blocks a couple stabs. Hank proceeds to slash back. With this, a bladed duel occurs between the two.* "SS: Look for an opening" *Hank instantly slices one of Spade's arms off. Namely the one carrying the IRON HORSE HITCHER. Spades quickly slides underneath Hank* "BATTLE TECHNIQUE! SPRITE FLIP!" *Spades turns around, giving back the arm that was sliced and allowing him to carry the IRON HORSE HITCHER again at the cost of having the other arm gone. He hits Hank several times in the head with it. Causing Hank to drop his dragon sword. Spades assumes Hank is ko'd and proceeds to about to finish him off when immediately lighting strikes Hank and he is instantly regains consciousness, turning around and dodging the swing, punching Spades numerous times, before quickly picking up a dagger from a dead agent and slicing Spades other arm off.* "SS: Realize your fucked" *Hank slices Spades head off instantly.* KO! Results (Hank is seen picking up his P90 and reloading it, killing numerous more agents that have just arrived. He continues to fight them as Wiz and Boomstick discuss) Boomstick: Well, needless to say, Wiz: While Spades has fought worse foes and likely ties with Hank in strength, Hank himself has had the stronger agility and superior marksmanship. Boomstick: Lets also mention that, Spades, while able to flip his sprite to recover lost limbs, that, probably wont help if BOTH of you arms are ripped off. Wiz: And finally, Hank is quite physically strong, even ripping a guys head off. Boomstick: Welp, a Homestuck character has died. Wonder if Hussie planned for Spades to die anyways. Wiz: The winner, is Hank J Wimbleton Poll Who would you be rooting for? Hank J Wimbleton Spades Slick Do you agree with this fight result? Yes No Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:RoboStarthebomb Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:Madness Combat Character Battle